dear raging self

Portrait by Marc Steiner @marcartphotocreations

Dear Raging Self,

It has been my nature to be calm... and the quiet storm if need be.

Perhaps we made a contract early on not to let you have too much air time. I've never been one for angry. Especially if accompanied by yelling. Raging self you tend to get quiet rather than loud. Sometimes Contemplative Self gets mistaken for you because an aspect of you is prolonged thought... searching for answers (and after learning vipassana: noticing the muscle tension that accompanies you). Don't get me wrong I get frustrated, dissapointed and, yes even angry too. But Raging Self your anger doesn't stick around here long or often. You've been known to say just let me be upset, it will pass shortly. Some part of us needs to FEEL IT before we let it go. There is usually an urge to talk it out (you want to be heard)... or sometimes writing you out feels like you have passed... Raging self you tend to come to the surface when I am in an emotionally sensitive state and I am feeling pushed to my limits. You make me uncomfortable and I love that you teach me about setting boundaries. You also teach others about my boundaries...haha. I love that you teach me to get CURIOUS.

Raging self on those occassions when you decide to visit I want to give you space to breathe. I don't want to bury you where you can fester. I want to move through you with grace and find creative healthy outlets for you. You call for HEALING.

Raging self you are usually accompanied by deep sadness (perhaps from generations of ancestors before me - with tears held back). You remind me that something needs to be RELEASED. Mostly I find that we need to FORGIVE ourself and remember we have always been WHOLE. Raging Self be gentle on me, deal? Cool.

Love + Light

Be Wonderful

♡

LaToya

this is part of a series of love letters to self i wrote as prompted by @littleolovebird on instagram over a year ago. They are gems to me, so i will continue to share them her in my musings adding new insights and resources as i see fit.

Dear Overthinking Self

Dear OverThinking Self,

The thinking part is highly regarded, but "over" just tips the balance. I witness you when you get on a role, and sometimes I follow to see how far you will go... You are a great storyteller, but a bit repetitious. Let's just say I sleep much better when you take a break.

Where did you come from? Who let you loose?  Was it schooling that gave you permission? Instilling in me analysis + synthesis and underling + note-take? Who taught you to create these "non-versations" (as my husband likes to call them)? You know the ones where you work out what you Should have said or done... you must be in cahoots with EGO.

You know when I really met you?  10 days of silence... Vipassana. Woah... I saw you in full flow... I saw how you lead to physical sensations on my body and emotions...then I saw you settle down. Ahh... I CHOSE MY THOUGHTS.

This is meant to be a love letter you say... okay, I love your ability to plan and be forward thinking. Helping me to come to sound decisions + to keep an open mind - infinite possibilities. You help me to see the good in all situations (we are pretty good at that), you are quiet thoughtful. Deep down you are calling out for happiness + wellbeing. You want to be tamed. I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

I really love it when you are bursting with creative ideas + exciting possibilities. You make me smile at memories past + the dreams in the making + focus on the NOW. I love when you let intuition lead the way. I love how you pull past knowledge into the present to present new findings, comnections + insights.

I love how you step back while Creative Self take the floor.  #100daysofcollagedlife has been like healing balm for you.

You like to be acknowledged. I'm going to keep witnessing you + cultivating meditative practices to keep our relationship on good terms. I love that we aways get to choose what content we overthink about... I CREATE MY BEST LIFE

Love + Be Wonderful

♡

Me ×× P.S. these #lovelettersofmay have been good for you. Writing it all out has always worked for you. Also, we are reading Wayne Dyer's Your Erronous Zones and he left us some good reminders + tactics to keep us on good terms.

this is part of a series of love letters to self i wrote as prompted by @littleolovebird on instagram over a year ago. They are gems to me, so i will continue to share them her in my musings adding new insights and resources as i see fit.

Facing Shadows (Dear Fearful Self)

Dear Fearful Self,

I am pretty sure you're around for a reason, I think i signed up for you to join me before I came here. I think you came along on the ride to remind me of things I might forget in the passage.

Fearful self the only thing is I let you decide things a little more than I care to admit, I thought I could keep you in the shadow and pretend you were not there. I had a master plan to fire you from your job, to get rid of you completely, it was going to be a systematic job... but lucky for you I received several insider tips (thanks to inquisitive self for always being on the look out). The tips said I could keep you around as a guide to remind me when I need to look closer at my worries and look at their validity. Turns out your concerns tend to keep us in the past and future, yeah I know its a shame because there is only ever NOW. Ha, imagine that.

Fearful self sometimes we have passed up experiences and opportunities because of what we thought might happen or what others might think or because we have set arbitrary rules about what we can and can not do. Fearful self you seem afraid of the unknown and stuck in perfection. You tend to be a downer, I'm being a bit harsh, but it's time we work out our boundaries because I KNOW life is not meant to be a full time struggle.

So all this to say I am keeping you around (I mean you are a part of me), but we are going to bring all your concerns to the table with Loving Self and Courageous Self before we make any final decisions, cool? Great. Deal. We can get through this together.

LOVE + LIGHT

Me

ae Wonderful

♡

LaToya